Bubba Fett's Cracklins

CheneyDroid Firmware Upgrade: Successful

The CheneyDroid apparently had his firmware upgraded earlier today.

Merry Snitchmas

...and a happy 3-to-5 years, Ookie!

RICHMOND, Va. -- One of Michael Vick's co-defendants doesn't want to wait for trial.

   Instead, a plea agreement hearing has been scheduled for Tony Taylor at 9 a.m. Monday in the federal dogfighting conspiracy case.

Taylor's hearing was added to U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson's docket Friday, a day after he and the other three defendants pleaded not guilty before the same judge. Vick and the others still are scheduled for trial Nov. 26.

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Try Hanging Me, Motherfucker

This is your whippet.

This is your whippet on the clear.

Any questions?

The Answer is "Snitchmas"

For 30 years in the Federal pen, Alex...the question is:

"What holiday will Michael Vick's two co-defendants trample one another to celebrate first?"

Don't Hurt Your Hoo-Ha

Andy Dick once paid Jabba $1000 to have me freeze him in carbonite so that people would talk about him. Jabba almost ate him, mistaking him for one of those little Muppet-looking things he used to eat.

Jon Lovitz has the right idea, smashing Andy Dick's face into a bar four or five times. Where I take exception to Lovitz's treatment of Dick is here:

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Last year, Lovitz related, a drunken Dick strolled up to his table at Ago in West Hollywood, rudely downed his guests' peach liqueur drinks, and "looked at me and said, 'I put the "Phil Hartman hex" on you - you're the next one to die.' I said, 'What did you say?' and he repeated it. I wanted to punch his face in, but I don't hit women."

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Quit insulting the women, Jon. Andy Dick isn't a woman...he's a coke-inhaling rodent without the scruples.

Some Folks Just Don't Get It

As the magnificently coiffed Eddie Izzard once asked, "Do you have a flag?"

To recap: City banning the rental of properties to illegal immigrants now finds it has a negative reputation for doing so. The solution? In a jingoistic paen that would have made Lee Atwater vomit, certain residents of Farmer's Branch want to "solve" their "image problem" by flying gigantic American flags at a patriotic-themed park and have patriotic festivals.

Why am I not surprised that a city trying to make cheap labor into someone else's problem thinks that "clap louder" can actually be considered sane public policy?

Gen Y: More Useless Than Tits On A Rancor

From the Land Down Under comes word that the Gen Yers are, in fact, quite useless (emphasis mine):

Employers say Gen-Ys are short on skills, demanding, impatient and far from loyal.

The deep ambivalence of small-to-medium employers (SME) towards Gen-Ys, those born between 1977 and 1992 and now aged 15 to 30, is revealed in the latest SME Opinion Leaders poll, a survey of 315 SME owners across the country conducted by SmartCompany in conjunction with Roy Morgan Research and Dun & Bradstreet.

Poor spelling and grammar and failure to understand what constitutes appropriate corporate behaviour are the biggest bugbears, with almost 70 per cent of surveyed employers reporting dissatisfaction with Gen-Y employees' performance in those areas.

The communication skills of Gen-Y staff disappointed 48 per cent of employers, while 37 per cent complain Gen-Ys lack acceptable technical skills.

But, it seems, Gen-Ys either don't know or don't care about their employers' lack of enthusiasm.

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Hello? Solution, anyone? Clone yourself thousands of times over and train your clones in the ways of military operations from Day 1.

Am I the only one who's thought of this? Screw those bratty hipster bags. We'll see how well they display fashion irony when they're frozen in carbonite, bitches!

Fake Wookies

If there's one thing Bubba Fett can't abide, it's furries.

Wookies, while big, ill-tempered and as smelly as a Rancor taint, earn respect. The moment you take a Wookie lightly is the moment you're going to be beaten to death with one of your limbs.

But what's with these people who want dress up like Wookies and mount one another? Bubba Fett is not surprised to hear that they chose to convene in "I used to be A-List by marriage, but now I'm B-List by talent" Sienna Miller's favorite city, Shitsburgh, for their big mas puto convention.

If you've ever seen a picture of Franco Harris in his prime, you know where that comment comes from. I hear he and Bradshaw used to play "stuff the raccoon" all the time.

TTDWBD, 7/6/07

The signal is strong in this one! I get 802.11G here in the Sarlaac's gut, and I've got nothing but time (and bile) on my hands.

Kung Fu Monkey points the way to the first in my series of "Things To Do While Being Digested": In-browser, Flash-driven Biblical characters breaking it off Mortal Kombat style.

Introduction

TGIF! At least I think it's Friday. It's dark in this Sarlaac.