Oh ho! Those silver-tongued Okie squatters have brought Bubba Fett out of the wilderness to blog once more:
OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) — To some Oklahoma football fans, there are things that just aren't done in the heart of Sooner Nation, and one of them is to walk into a bar wearing a Texas Longhorns T-shirt.
That's exactly what touched off a bloody skirmish that left a Texas-shirt-wearing fan nearly castrated and an Oklahoma fan facing aggravated assault charges that could put him in prison for up to five years.
The shocking case has set off a raging debate in this football-crazed region about the extreme passions behind a bitter rivalry. Some legal observers have even questioned whether this case could ever truly have an impartial jury.
-snip-
Impartial jury? Are you kidding? This is Oklahoma, the place where jury instructions are still delivered in Crayola-drawn pictures. Ever seen Idiocracy? Here's the pertinent clip if you dare glance directly into the crossed, bloodshot eyes of Oklahoma justice:
But wait...the Bevo pies and Sooner drool get even deeper! Here's what leaves Bubba Fett scratching his helmet:
-snip-
Thomas told police that when he decided to leave and went to the bar
to pay his tab, Beckett grabbed him in the crotch, pulled him to the
ground and wouldn't let go, even as bar patrons tried to break it up.
When the two men were separated, Thomas looked down and realized the
extent of his injuries.
"He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body," said Thomas' attorney, Carl Hughes. "He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse."
It took more than 60 stitches to close the wound, and police interviewed Thomas at a nearby hospital emergency room.
-snip-
Beckett, a 53-year-old church deacon, federal auditor and former Army combat veteran, has pleaded not guilty. His next court appearance comes Oct. 4, two days before the Sooners and Horns tangle in their annual football game at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas.
Thomas, who once lived in Houston and became a Texas fan during the heyday of star running back Earl Campbell, is still recovering from his injuries but has returned to work as a meat cutter at a Sam's Club warehouse store.
Like Beckett and Thomas, many fans of the two college squads never attended either university, but have come to identify so closely with these teams that they attach banners to their cars, wear team colors on game day and even have programmed their car horns to play school fight songs.
-snip-
Does it sound kind of weird to you that a fifty-something church deacon would literally rip the balls off another man over a college t-shirt when neither of these schlubs even attended either UT or OU?
Welcome to Oklahoma.
Comments